Pages

Thursday, March 9, 2017

My Apple


My juicy red apple...
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/07/Honeycrisp-Apple.jpg
I was looking at my red shiny apple,
It felt as cold as a ice cube.
I put my apple close to my ear,
I tried to peel it with longish nails.
It made a like a fizzing sound like a fizzy drink,
I gazed at my polished apple one more time.
I took a small bite like it was bitten by a mouse,
I took another bite and it was bigger.
I took a few more big bites,
all you can see was the brown and white seeds.

That was how my apple got gobbled up!


4 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed your writing about eating an apple. You have used some good descriptive ideas like 'cold as an ice cube' and 'bitten by a mouse'. These helped me get an idea in my head of your experience.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kia Ora Reitu
    My name is Kieran I go to Karoro School. I really liked your poem, it had good words in it and it was a really clear description. Maybe next time you could not use ‘I’ so much but other than that well done keep up the great work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello

    My name is Gage I go to Karoro School.
    I saw the poem on the apple called “My Juicy Red Apple”. I really liked the poem and thought it was really written out well and had a lot of detail. I liked how it used all of the five senses. I like how it was based on eating the apple and how you took one piece at a time until it was nothing but seeds.

    Next time you could make it rhyme a little bit more. Our class did something like that last year. I did it on winter in the mountains /Southern Alps. I also made a second poem called motorbiking.

    Gage
    Karoro School.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi my name is javeylor Im from panmure bridge school . I like how you have talked about your apple also I really like how you used comers and full stop and how you used capital letter in your story.

    Keep your great work up I really enjoined your story about your juicy apple.

    ReplyDelete